Category Archives: Funny

Igandea Funny: Top 10 Modu zure emaztea Annoy To

  1. Erosi brokolia denean ez da jada nahikoa baino gehiago hozkailuan badakizu.
  2. Go for a run. Cool off. Take off clean pillow case and replace with T-shirt. Cover with clean pillow case.
  3. Noiz gidatzeko, galdetu okerreko bidea gara behar bada bat-modu bat kalean behera.
  4. For 15 urte, igandero emaztea duzula iradokitzen museo batera joan, express sorpresa museo irekiak dira igandeko an.
  5. For 15 urte, occasionally suggest going to the local book store on Sunday. Express surprise that they are not open on Sunday’s (eskerrik asko Blue legeak!).
  6. Erabili 20 puntu bat egin 3 point turn.
  7. Bat goiz cool Fall arratsaldean, walk into the room and turn on the A/C. Complain that it’s cold. When wife says, "then why did you turn that on, silly" lortzen sortu eta itzali, grab the warm spot she had on the couch. Bonus points if she does not realize you did it until much later.
  8. Ireki gozoak zuri Hegaluzea Can bat eta jan zuzen dezakezu, ohean, gauez.
  9. Sukaldera joan emaztea da afaria, berriz, elikadura-, ireki du mahai tiradera eta push tresnak emaztea oihuak arte inguruan, "what are you looking for!"
  10. Negozio berriak txartelak ordainagirian, Klikowsky jarri denak etxe inguruan: Ohe azpian, burko-en, kafe katilu barruan, bere poltsan, armarria pockets, autoa Eskularrua konpartimendu, Jakitegia — anywhere you can think of.
  11. Idatzi blog sarrerak zure emaztea buruz.
  12. Esnatu.
  13. Noiz New Yorkeko kaleetan oinez, be on the alert for "crusty" objects on the ground. Kontuan izan zure emazte bereziak beldurrak mantenduz, iristeko behera balitz bezala bat jasotzeko sortu eta galdetu, "hmm, Zer den galdetzen diot nire buruari?" (Be prepared for wife to body slam you as if she’s a secret service agent protecting the President from a sniper or you’ll find yourself laying on your back on the sidewalk).
  14. Drive twice around a parking lot looking for space. You know you’ve really hit pay dirt when your son in the back seat yells, "Oh no! Gertatzen ari berriro!"
  15. Write "top 10" zerrendak ez duten 10 elementuak.

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Bonus emaztea txantxa:

Two male co-workers go out to lunch. One of them tells the other, "I let loose an embarrassing Freudian slip the other night."

"A Freudian slip? What’s that?"

"Well, denean jaten amaitu dugu, zerbitzari etorri zen eta galdetu nola gure bazkariak gustuko dugu. Esan, esan nahi dut, ‘I loved the chicken breast’ but instead I said ‘I loved your breasts’. I was so embarrassed."

"Ah," his co-worker replied. "I had the same thing happen to me this weekend with my wife. We were eating breakfast I meant to ask her to pass the butter, baizik eta garrasika bere at I, ‘You ruined my life!'"

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Igande goizean Funny: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.”

Sei urte, nire lau urteko semea eta biok goiko bat ikusi Discovery Channel "shark attacks" bereziak (seguru asko, hau da,). He was very young at the point and I was always worried what he might see on a show like this and how he might take it. I didn’t want him to develop, adibidez, edozein bereziak beldurrak ura edo blab zerbait egokitzat bere lagunak eta, seguru asko, bere haurra lagun sarea sor behera etorri.

Discovery handles these kinds of subjects very well. It’s not about creating a zerbaiten beldur, but rather to show how unusual it is for sharks to attack humans.

Beraz,, we’re watching it and there is this one particularly scary attack involving a small girl. As Discovery is building the drama of the attack, nire semea (nor izan da beti, hala ere, oso jumpy), is getting very excited. I make some noises about how unusual it is for sharks to attack people, and how bad the poor girl must feel. I’m trying to explain that people recover from these events and become stronger for it. Hala eta guztiz ere, I had misinterpreted his excitement. He was not worried about the girl at all. Horren ordez, txaloak, berriz, bere esku, esaten dit, "The sharks love it! It’s terrific. It’s wonderful. Its a DREAM COME TRUE!"

Hau izan zen pentsatu nuen barregarri, but also very disturbing. Alde batetik,, Pozik nengoen, — nahiz eta apur bat harro — indartsu enpatikoa sentimenduak izan zituen, cross-species though they may be. As humans, we need to develop our "empathic muscles" beraz, hitz egin edo, azkenean, ikusiko duzu atsegin Guy honetan 🙂 On the other hand, he was feeling cross-species empathy toward a species who was exhibiting behavior inimical to his own. I was really struggling with this when the narrator used the word "paradigm". My son picked up on that and asked me what that meant.

Hori ez da beti erraza, esaterako, hitz bat, lau urteko deskribatzeko, but I gave it a try. When I think of the word "paradigm", Thomas Kuhn is never far from my thoughts. Irakurri dut Iraultzen Zientifikoen Egitura atzera Lafayette eta, onerako zein txarrerako, the word "paradigm" is pregnant with extra meaning for me. (Sort of like the word "contact" entzun ondoren bat Movie Telefonoa ahots Esadazu non ikusi izan dut duten filma [Liburua izan zen, hobeto pentsatu dut]; Neu naiz beti esan, "CONTACT!" whenever I see or hear someone say "contact").

Hala ere, Berarekin Kuhnian definizioa azaldu ari naiz, that it’s "a historical movement of thought" and that it’s a "way of thinking with a number of built-in assumptions that are hard to escape for people living at that time." Jakina, ezin duzu hitz egin bezala, lau urte bat, so I’m trying to successively define it to smaller pieces and feeling rather proud of myself as I do so. (Dut Bagenekien unibertsitateko kanpoko norbait izan dela irakurri dut Kuhn zaintzeko litzateke!).

I’m just warming to the task when he interrupts me. Waving his hand nire zuzendaritzapean, oro har, eta inoiz ez bere begiak hartuz, beste marrazo atentatuaren off, dio besterik ez zuen, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.".

So much for that 🙂

Une horretan, Ihes egitea erabaki nuen, rhetorically hitz egin, eseri, eta gozatu marrazo eraso gizakiak behaketa nire semea.

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Igandea Funny: “Oraindik ez dute txarto”

Back near 1999, I was spending a lot of weeks out in Santa Barbara, CA, working for a client, leaving my poor wife back here in New Jersey alone. I dearly love my wife. I love her just as much today as I did when she foolishly married me 1,000 years or so ago. Nonbait, lerro zehar, I coined a phrase, "special fear", as in "Samantha has special fears." She as a special fear of "bugs", which to her are not flies or ladybugs, but rather microbes. She’s afraid of this or that virus or unusual bacteria afflicting our son, or me, but never really herself. (She is also specially afraid of vampires, miniature evil dolls (especially clowns) and submarine accidents; she has out-grown her special fear of people dressed in Santa Claus outfits).

Egun bat, my co-worker and I decided to drive up into the nearby mountains near Ohai. At one point, we got out of the car to take in the scene. When we got back into the car, I noticed that a tick was on my shoulder. I flicked out the window and that was it.

That night, I told her about our drive and mentioned the tick. The conversation went something like this:

S: "Oooo! Those are bad. They carry diseases."

P: "Well, I flicked it out the window."

S: "They are really bad though. They can get under your skin and suck blood and transfer bugs. You better check your hair and make sure there aren’t any in your head!"

P: In a loud voice: "My God! CAN THEY TAKE OVER YOUR MIND???"

S: Literally reassuring me: "No, they’re not THAT bad."

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Igande goizean Funny: “Jesus Must Die”

Gure lehen erosi dugu (eta soilik) "luxury" car back when hurricane Floyd nailed the east coast of the U.S. We got a LOT of rain here in New Jersey and several days passed before life returned to normal. Just before Floyd struck, erabili Volvo eskaintza bat egin genuen 850 GL and after Floyd struck, drove it home.

It was our first car with a CD player. Like most new car owners, we went a little CD crazy, revived our dormant CD collection and went on long drives just to listen to CD’s in the car. Like all fads, this passed for us and we ended listening to the same CD over and over again. Gure kasuan,, it was Jesus Christ Superstar.

Bat (asko) brilliant pieces in that rock opera is sung by the establishment religious types, led by Caiaphas, the "High Priest". They sing their way into deciding how to handle the "Jesus problem" and Caiaphas directs them to the conclusion that "Jesus must die". The refrain on the song is "Just must die, must die, must die, this Jesus must die". You hear that refrain a lot in that piece.

At the time, my son was about three years old. You can probably see where this is going.

I came home from work one day and my son is in the living room playing with toys and humming to himself. I’m taking off my jacket, looking through the mail and all my usual walk-in-the-door stuff and I suddenly realize that he’s just saying, not really singing: "Jesus must die, must die, must die." I was mortified. I could just see him doing that while on one of his baby play dates at a friend’s house — probably the last play date with that baby friend.

We pulled that CD out of the Volvo after that 🙂

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My Son Hacked Gamespot

Beraz,, goizean, nire semea zehaztuko da adin-hamahiru mugatuan Halo ikusteko 3 bideoa Gamespot. I’m outside shoveling snow, so I’m not there to help or hinder. Necessity is the mother of invention and all that … he has a eureka! moment. He realizes that even though Gamespot wants him to enter his real jaiotze-data, benetan sartu ahal izan edozein birth date he wants. Once he realized that, nahikoa zaharrak berak bideoa ikusteko egin zuen.

I’m not quite sure how I feel about this 🙂

Igandea Funny: “Garbage da inprimatzea”

Nire unibertsitateko out lehenengo lana at 1991, Zortea behar fabrikazio-enpresa batean lan egin izan dut 13 kokapenak, not including its corporate HQ in New Jersey. I joined just when the company was rolling out a new ERP system. We were a small IT department of about ten people altogether, two of whom Did Not Travel. Part of the project involved replacing IBM System 36 boxes with HP hardware and HPUX. Everyone used green tubes to access the system.

Proiektuan zehar pasatzean, eta nago bidalitako behera Baltimore berri bat co-langilea batera, Jeff. Our job was to power up the Unix box, ziurtatu O / S exekutatzen, instalatu ERP sistema, konfiguratzeko ERP du, train people on the ERP and do custom work for folks on the spot. (Hau ametsetako lana izan zen, batez ere, zuzen izarrekin unibertsitateko datozen). Before we could really get off the ground, berde hodi guztiak despaketatzeko behar dugu, put them on desks and wire them. And the best part was that we had to put the RJ11 connectors on ourselves.

Arrazoi inoiz ez dut ulertzen, eta inoiz pentsatu buruz galdetu momentuan egiteko, izan genuen kontratazio enpresa batzuk ere etortzen dira eta kable exekutatu landare osoan zehar, but we didn’t have them put on the connectors. Beraz,, there was a "patch box" with dozens of of unlabeled cables in the "computer room" eta horiek eraikinaren inguruan snaked eraikinaren hainbat tokitan.

Gure bidea egin dugu, horren bidez, asteburuan zehar, alanbre bakoitzean probatzen, Konektore bat jarri (Ziurtatu zuzen vs egiten zen. zeharkatu), hodi berdea eta inprimagailuak ezarpen bit ziren egokiak bermatuz, labeling wires, making sure that "getty" was running correctly for each port and probably a thousand other things that I’ve suppressed since then. It all came together quite nicely.

Baina, there was one important cable that we couldn’t figure out. The plant in Baltimore had a relationship with a warehousing location in New Jersey. Some orders placed in Baltimore shipped out of that location. There were two wires that we had to connect to the HPUX box: a green tube and a printer. The green tube was easy, baina inprimagailua hiru aste amesgaizto bihurtu.

Ez baduzu ezagutzen, edo kendu da, hodi berdea eta inprimagailu era honetan aurre, there are various options that you deal with by setting various pins. 8-bit, 7-bit, parekotasuna (are / bakoitiak / bat ere ez), probably others. If you get one of those settings wrong, hodi edo inprimagailu oraindik ere erakusten du gauzak, Guztira, baina huskeriak izango da, or it will be gibberish with a lot of recognizable stuff in between. Jakina, these pins are hard to see and have to be set by using a small flat-edge screw driver. And they are never standard.

Sortu dugu azkar asko deien lehen NJ zentzuduna batera (grizzled ordenagailu bat hater duten ziurrenik Curses digu egun honetan). We got the green tube working pretty quickly, but we couldn’t get the printer to work. It kept "printing garbage". We would create a new RJ11 connector, switching between crossed and straight. We would delete the port and re-created in Unix. We went through the arduous task of having him explain to us the pin configuration on the printer, inoiz benetan ziur zen bada behar bezala egiten.

Ordua da zuzeneko joan, Baltimoreko dena Humming, baina ezin dugu madarikatua inprimagailua NJ lan! We’ve exhausted all possibilities except for driving back up to NJ to work on the printer in person. To avoid all that driving, we finally ask him to fax us what he’s getting when it’s "garbage", agian, ez batzuek zabor horretan ideiarik gaituen esango zer gaizki ari gara izango zelairatuko.

Noiz fax lortu dugu, we immediately knew what was wrong. Ikusi, our method of testing whether we had configured a printer correctly was to issue an "lp" honelako komandoa:

lp / etc / passwd

Funtsean,, we printed out the unix password file. It’s always present and out of the box, always just one page. You standard Unix password file looks something like this:

Smith:*:100:100:8A-74(bulego):/home / Smith:/usr / bin / sh
:*:200:0::/home / gonbidatu:/usr/bin/sh  

We had been printing out the password file over and over again for several weeks and it was printing correctly. Hala eta guztiz ere, azken bezeroari, it was "printing garbage".

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