1. Купите броколи када знате већ има више него довољно у фрижидеру.
2. Go for a run. Cool off. Take off clean pillow case and replace with T-shirt. Cover with clean pillow case.
3. Када возите, питају да ли треба да идемо у погрешном правцу доле једносмерној улици.
4. За 15 године, сваке недеље да жена сугерише иде у музеј, Екпресс изненађење да музеји су отворени на недељу.
5. За 15 године, occasionally suggest going to the local book store on Sunday. Express surprise that they are not open on Sunday’s (хвала пуно Блуе Закони!).
6. Коришћење 20 указује да се ураде 3 point turn.
7. На хладном поподнева почетком јесени, walk into the room and turn on the A/C. Complain that it’s cold. When wife says, "then why did you turn that on, глуп" и устаје да га искључите, grab the warm spot she had on the couch. Bonus points if she does not realize you did it until much later.
8. Отворите конзерву беле дугорепка укусног туна и једу га директно из конзерве, у кревету, ноћу.
9. Иди у кухињу, а жена се једе вечеру, отвори фиоку есцајг и гурајте прибор док око супруге крике, "what are you looking for!"
10. На пријему нових пословних картица, тајно ставите их све по кући: Испод кревета, у јастук случајевима, унутар шоље за кафу, у ташни, у џеповима капута, ауто глове коморе, шпајз — anywhere you can think of.
11. Напиши Блог о својој жени.
12. Пробудити.
13. Када хода улицама Њујорка, be on the alert for "crusty" objects on the ground. Имајући у виду посебне ваше супруге страхове, до доле као да се један покупи се и питајте, "hmm, Питам се шта је то?" (Be prepared for wife to body slam you as if she’s a secret service agent protecting the President from a sniper or you’ll find yourself laying on your back on the sidewalk).
14. Drive twice around a parking lot looking for space. You know you’ve really hit pay dirt when your son in the back seat yells, "Oh no! He’s doing it поново!"
15. Write "top 10" lists that don’t have 10 ставке.

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Bonus wife joke:

Two male co-workers go out to lunch. One of them tells the other, "I let loose an embarrassing Freudian slip the other night."

"A Freudian slip? What’s that?"

"Well, when we finished eating, the waitress came by and asked how we liked our meals. I meant say, ‘I loved the chicken breast’ but instead I said ‘I loved your breasts’. I was so embarrassed."

"Ah," his co-worker replied. "I had the same thing happen to me this weekend with my wife. We were eating breakfast I meant to ask her to pass the butter, but instead I screamed at her, ‘You ruined my life!’"

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Пре око шест година, мој четворогодишњи син и ја смо били на спрату гледао Дисцовери Цханнел "shark attacks" посебан (Могуће овај). He was very young at the point and I was always worried what he might see on a show like this and how he might take it. I didn’t want him to develop, на пример, било који специјалне страхови воде или наговорити нешто неприкладно својим пријатељима и можда изазвати своју мрежу пријатеља беба да се срушити.

Discovery handles these kinds of subjects very well. It’s not about creating a страх од нешто, but rather to show how unusual it is for sharks to attack humans.

Тако, we’re watching it and there is this one particularly scary attack involving a small girl. As Discovery is building the drama of the attack, мој син (који је увек био изузетно нервозан ионако), is getting very excited. I make some noises about how unusual it is for sharks to attack people, and how bad the poor girl must feel. I’m trying to explain that people recover from these events and become stronger for it. Међутим, I had misinterpreted his excitement. He was not worried about the girl at all. Уместо тога, док цлаппинг руке, он ми каже, "The sharks love it! It’s terrific. It’s wonderful. Its a DREAM COME TRUE!"

Мислио сам да је смешан, but also very disturbing. У једну руку, Било ми је драго — чак и мало поносан — да би могао да има јака осећања емпатичан, cross-species though they may be. As humans, we need to develop our "empathic muscles" тако говоре, или ћете завршити као овај момак 🙂 On the other hand, he was feeling cross-species empathy toward a species who was exhibiting behavior inimical to his own. I was really struggling with this when the narrator used the word "paradigm". My son picked up on that and asked me what that meant.

То није тако лако реч да опише на четворогодишњи, but I gave it a try. When I think of the word "paradigm", Томас Кун is never far from my thoughts. Прочитао сам Структура научних револуција назад на Лафајет и на боље или на горе, the word "paradigm" is pregnant with extra meaning for me. (Sort of like the word "contact" после саслушања филма Телефон глас реци ми где сам могао да видим тај филм [Мислио сам да је књига била боља]; Ја увек кажем себи, "CONTACT!" whenever I see or hear someone say "contact").

У сваком случају, Покушавам да му објасним Кухниан дефиницију, that it’s "a historical movement of thought" and that it’s a "way of thinking with a number of built-in assumptions that are hard to escape for people living at that time." Наравно, Ви не можете разговарати као са четири годишња, so I’m trying to successively define it to smaller pieces and feeling rather proud of myself as I do so. (Управо сам Знао да неко изван колеџа би марио да сам прочитао Кухн!).

I’m just warming to the task when he interrupts me. Waving his hand у мом општем правцу и никада не скидајући поглед са другог бруталном нападу ајкуле, Он само каже, "Yeah, да, да. Блах, бла, blah.".

So much for that 🙂

У том тренутку, Одлучио сам да побегнем, реторички говорећи, одмарати се, и уживати гледајући ајкуле нападају људе са сином.

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Назад у близини 1999, Ја сам провео доста недеља у Санта Барбари, ЦА, раде за клијента, leaving my poor wife back here in New Jersey alone. I dearly love my wife. I love her just as much today as I did when she foolishly married me 1,000 years or so ago. Негде дуж линије, I coined a phrase, "special fear", as in "Samantha has special fears." She as a special fear of "bugs", which to her are not flies or ladybugs, but rather microbes. She’s afraid of this or that virus or unusual bacteria afflicting our son, or me, but never really herself. (She is also specially afraid of vampires, miniature evil dolls (especially clowns) and submarine accidents; she has out-grown her special fear of people dressed in Santa Claus outfits).

Једног дана, my co-worker and I decided to drive up into the nearby mountains near Ohai. At one point, we got out of the car to take in the scene. When we got back into the car, I noticed that a tick was on my shoulder. I flicked out the window and that was it.

That night, I told her about our drive and mentioned the tick. The conversation went something like this:

С: "Oooo! Those are bad. They carry diseases."

П: "Well, I flicked it out the window."

С: "They are really bad though. They can get under your skin and suck blood and transfer bugs. You better check your hair and make sure there aren’t any in your head!"

П: In a loud voice: "My God! CAN THEY TAKE OVER YOUR MIND???"

С: Literally reassuring me: "No, they’re not THAT bad."

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Купили смо наш први (и само) "luxury" car back when hurricane Floyd nailed the east coast of the U.S. We got a LOT of rain here in New Jersey and several days passed before life returned to normal. Just before Floyd struck, смо направили понуду за Волво користи 850 GL and after Floyd struck, drove it home.

It was our first car with a CD player. Like most new car owners, we went a little CD crazy, revived our dormant CD collection and went on long drives just to listen to CD’s in the car. Like all fads, this passed for us and we ended listening to the same CD over and over again. У нашем случају, it was Jesus Christ Superstar.

Једно од (многи) brilliant pieces in that rock opera is sung by the establishment religious types, led by Caiaphas, the "High Priest". They sing their way into deciding how to handle the "Jesus problem" and Caiaphas directs them to the conclusion that "Jesus must die". The refrain on the song is "Just must die, must die, must die, this Jesus must die". You hear that refrain a lot in that piece.

At the time, my son was about three years old. You can probably see where this is going.

I came home from work one day and my son is in the living room playing with toys and humming to himself. I’m taking off my jacket, looking through the mail and all my usual walk-in-the-door stuff and I suddenly realize that he’s just saying, not really singing: "Jesus must die, must die, must die." I was mortified. I could just see him doing that while on one of his baby play dates at a friend’s house — probably the last play date with that baby friend.

We pulled that CD out of the Volvo after that 🙂

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Тако, јутрос, мој син је одлучна да виде старост-тринаест ограничену Хало 3 видео ат ГамеСпот. I’m outside shoveling snow, so I’m not there to help or hinder. Necessity is the mother of invention and all that … he has a eureka! moment. He realizes that even though Gamespot wants him to enter his прави датум рођења, он заправо може да уђе било који birth date he wants. Once he realized that, Он је и сам довољно стар да би видели снимак.

I’m not quite sure how I feel about this 🙂

На свом првом послу из колеџа у 1991, Имао сам срећу да се раде за компаније за производњу са 13 Локације, not including its corporate HQ in New Jersey. I joined just when the company was rolling out a new ERP system. We were a small IT department of about ten people altogether, two of whom Did Not Travel. Part of the project involved replacing IBM System 36 boxes with HP hardware and HPUX. Everyone used green tubes to access the system.

Пројекат ролнице заједно и ја сам послао доле у ​​Балтимор с нови сарадник, Jeff. Our job was to power up the Unix box, проверите да ли је О / С је покренут, инсталирајте ЕРП систем, конфигурисање ЕРП, train people on the ERP and do custom work for folks on the spot. (То је био посао из снова, посебно што долази право из колеџа). Before we could really get off the ground, нам је потребно да распакујете све зелене цеви, put them on desks and wire them. And the best part was that we had to put the RJ11 connectors on ourselves.

Из неког разлога никада нисам разумео, а заправо никада није мислио да питам у то време, имали смо неке уговарање компанија дође и покренути кабл током постројења, but we didn’t have them put on the connectors. Тако, there was a "patch box" with dozens of of unlabeled cables in the "computer room" и то мазнуо око зграде на разним местима у згради.

Радили смо наш пут кроз њу током викенда, тестирање провода, стављање на конектор (уверивши се да је стрејт вс. прешао), обезбеди да битни поставке на зеленим цеви и штампаче тачни, labeling wires, making sure that "getty" was running correctly for each port and probably a thousand other things that I’ve suppressed since then. It all came together quite nicely.

Али, there was one important cable that we couldn’t figure out. The plant in Baltimore had a relationship with a warehousing location in New Jersey. Some orders placed in Baltimore shipped out of that location. There were two wires that we had to connect to the HPUX box: a green tube and a printer. The green tube was easy, али штампач претворио у ноћну мору три недеље.

Ако не знате, или су га потискује, бави зеленим цеви и штампача на овај начин, there are various options that you deal with by setting various pins. 8-бит, 7-бит, паритет (чак / Одд / ноне), probably others. If you get one of those settings wrong, цев или штампач и даље показује ствари, али то ће бити укупно бесмислице, or it will be gibberish with a lot of recognizable stuff in between. Наравно, these pins are hard to see and have to be set by using a small flat-edge screw driver. And they are never standard.

Ми смо поставили први у низу брзих позива са Њ типом (оседео рачунара који вероватно мрзи нас псује до данас). We got the green tube working pretty quickly, but we couldn’t get the printer to work. It kept "printing garbage". We would create a new RJ11 connector, switching between crossed and straight. We would delete the port and re-created in Unix. We went through the arduous task of having him explain to us the pin configuration on the printer, никада није сигуран да ли је он то радио исправно.

Крајње је време да се иде уживо, све је у Балтимору зуји, али не можемо добити проклети штампач у Њ да ради! We’ve exhausted all possibilities except for driving back up to NJ to work on the printer in person. To avoid all that driving, we finally ask him to fax us what he’s getting when it’s "garbage", надајући се да ће можда бити неки траг у том смећу које ће нам рећи шта радимо погрешно.

Када смо добили факс, we immediately knew what was wrong. Видети, our method of testing whether we had configured a printer correctly was to issue an "lp" команда овако:

лп / етц / пассвд

У основи, we printed out the unix password file. It’s always present and out of the box, always just one page. You standard Unix password file looks something like this:

ковач:*:100:100:8-74(канцеларија):/хоме / Смитх:/уср / бин / сх
:*:200:0::/хоме / гост:/usr/bin/sh  

We had been printing out the password file over and over again for several weeks and it was printing correctly. Међутим, крајњем кориснику, it was "printing garbage".

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