1. Kununua broccoli wakati unajua tayari kuna zaidi ya kutosha katika friji.
2. Go for a run. Cool off. Take off clean pillow case and replace with T-shirt. Cover with clean pillow case.
3. Wakati wa kuendesha gari, kuuliza kama tunaweza kwenda njia sahihi chini ya mitaani njia moja.
4. Kwa 15 miaka, kila Jumapili kwamba wewe mke unaonyesha kwenda makumbusho, kueleza mshangao kwamba makumbusho ni wazi juu ya Jumapili.
5. Kwa 15 miaka, occasionally suggest going to the local book store on Sunday. Express surprise that they are not open on Sunday’s (shukrani sana Blue Sheria!).
6. Kutumia 20 pointi ya kufanya 3 point turn.
7. Juu ya baridi mchana mapema Fall, walk into the room and turn on the A/C. Complain that it’s cold. When wife says, "then why did you turn that on, silly" na anapata hadi kugeuka kuwa mbali, grab the warm spot she had on the couch. Bonus points if she does not realize you did it until much later.
8. Kufungua unaweza wa tonfisk ladha nyeupe ALBACORE na kula moja kwa moja kutoka unaweza, katika kitanda, usiku.
9. Kwenda katika jikoni wakati mke ni kula chakula cha jioni, kufungua droo cutlery na vyombo kushinikiza kuzunguka mpaka mke mayowe, "what are you looking for!"
10. Baada ya kupokea kadi mpya ya biashara, siri kuwaweka wote kuzunguka nyumba: Chini ya kitanda, katika kesi ya mto, ndani ya kahawa vikombe, katika mfuko wake, katika kanzu ya mifuko, gari glove compartments, pantry — anywhere you can think of.
11. Kuandika blog entries kuhusu mke wako.
12. Kuamka.
13. Wakati kutembea mitaa ya New York City, be on the alert for "crusty" objects on the ground. Kuweka katika akili ya mke wako hofu maalum, kufikia chini kama kuchukua moja hadi juu na kuuliza, "hmm, Nashangaa kile kwamba ni?" (Be prepared for wife to body slam you as if she’s a secret service agent protecting the President from a sniper or you’ll find yourself laying on your back on the sidewalk).
14. Drive twice around a parking lot looking for space. You know you’ve really hit pay dirt when your son in the back seat yells, "Oh no! Yeye kufanya hivyo tena!"
15. Write "top 10" orodha ya kwamba hawana 10 vitu.

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Ziada mke utani:

Two male co-workers go out to lunch. One of them tells the other, "I let loose an embarrassing Freudian slip the other night."

"A Freudian slip? What’s that?"

"Well, wakati sisi kumaliza kula, Waitress akaja na aliuliza jinsi sisi walipenda milo yetu. Mimi maana ya kusema, ‘I loved the chicken breast’ but instead I said ‘I loved your breasts’. I was so embarrassed."

"Ah," his co-worker replied. "I had the same thing happen to me this weekend with my wife. We were eating breakfast I meant to ask her to pass the butter, lakini badala yake mimi kupiga kelele saa yake, ‘You ruined my life!'"

</mwisho>

Kuhusu miaka sita iliyopita, zangu nne mwenye umri wa miaka mwana na mimi walikuwa ghorofani kuangalia Ugunduzi hisa "shark attacks" maalum (pengine hii moja). He was very young at the point and I was always worried what he might see on a show like this and how he might take it. I didn’t want him to develop, kwa mfano, yoyote maalum hofu ya maji au payuka kitu muafaka kwa marafiki zake na pengine kusababisha mtoto rafiki yake wa mtandao kuja crashing chini.

Discovery handles these kinds of subjects very well. It’s not about creating a hofu ya kitu, but rather to show how unusual it is for sharks to attack humans.

Hivyo, we’re watching it and there is this one particularly scary attack involving a small girl. As Discovery is building the drama of the attack, yangu sauti (ambao daima imekuwa sana jumpy anyway), is getting very excited. I make some noises about how unusual it is for sharks to attack people, and how bad the poor girl must feel. I’m trying to explain that people recover from these events and become stronger for it. Hata hivyo, I had misinterpreted his excitement. He was not worried about the girl at all. Badala yake, wakati kupiga makofi mikono yake, yeye anasema mimi, "The sharks love it! It’s terrific. It’s wonderful. Its a DREAM COME TRUE!"

Nilidhani hii ilikuwa hilarious, but also very disturbing. Kwa upande mmoja, Nilifurahi — hata kiburi kidogo — kwamba angeweza kuwa na hisia kali empathic, cross-species though they may be. As humans, we need to develop our "empathic muscles" hivyo kusema au utasikia kuishia kama hii guy 🙂 On the other hand, he was feeling cross-species empathy toward a species who was exhibiting behavior inimical to his own. I was really struggling with this when the narrator used the word "paradigm". My son picked up on that and asked me what that meant.

Hiyo si neno vile rahisi kuelezea kwa miaka minne ya zamani, but I gave it a try. When I think of the word "paradigm", Thomas Kuhn is never far from my thoughts. Mimi kusoma Muundo wa mapinduzi ya kisayansi nyuma katika Lafayette na kwa bora au mbaya, the word "paradigm" is pregnant with extra meaning for me. (Sort of like the word "contact" baada ya kusikia Simu Kisasa sauti niambie ambapo mimi naweza kuona kwamba movie [Nilidhani kitabu ilikuwa bora]; Mimi siku zote kusema kwa mwenyewe, "CONTACT!" whenever I see or hear someone say "contact").

Anyway, Mimi kujaribu kueleza kwake ufafanuzi Kuhnian, that it’s "a historical movement of thought" and that it’s a "way of thinking with a number of built-in assumptions that are hard to escape for people living at that time." Bila shaka, huwezi kuzungumza kama na umri wa miaka minne, so I’m trying to successively define it to smaller pieces and feeling rather proud of myself as I do so. (Mimi tu alijua kwamba mtu nje ya chuo bila huduma ya kwamba nilikuwa kusoma Kuhn!).

I’m just warming to the task when he interrupts me. Waving his hand katika mwelekeo yangu ya jumla na kamwe kuchukua macho yake mbali ya mashambulizi ya kikatili mwingine shark, yeye tu anasema, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.".

So much for that 🙂

Katika hatua hiyo, Niliamua kukimbia, rhetorically akizungumza, kukaa nyuma, na kufurahia kuangalia binadamu mashambulizi papa na mtoto wangu.

</mwisho>

Nyuma karibu 1999, Mimi mara matumizi mengi ya wiki nje katika Santa Barbara, CA, kufanya kazi kwa ajili ya mteja, leaving my poor wife back here in New Jersey alone. I dearly love my wife. I love her just as much today as I did when she foolishly married me 1,000 years or so ago. Mahali fulani kwenye mstari, I coined a phrase, "special fear", as in "Samantha has special fears." She as a special fear of "bugs", which to her are not flies or ladybugs, but rather microbes. She’s afraid of this or that virus or unusual bacteria afflicting our son, or me, but never really herself. (She is also specially afraid of vampires, miniature evil dolls (especially clowns) and submarine accidents; she has out-grown her special fear of people dressed in Santa Claus outfits).

One day, my co-worker and I decided to drive up into the nearby mountains near Ohai. At one point, we got out of the car to take in the scene. When we got back into the car, I noticed that a tick was on my shoulder. I flicked out the window and that was it.

That night, I told her about our drive and mentioned the tick. The conversation went something like this:

S: "Oooo! Those are bad. They carry diseases."

P: "Well, I flicked it out the window."

S: "They are really bad though. They can get under your skin and suck blood and transfer bugs. You better check your hair and make sure there aren’t any in your head!"

P: In a loud voice: "My God! CAN THEY TAKE OVER YOUR MIND???"

S: Literally reassuring me: "No, they’re not THAT bad."

</mwisho>

Sisi kununuliwa kwanza wetu (na tu) "luxury" car back when hurricane Floyd nailed the east coast of the U.S. We got a LOT of rain here in New Jersey and siku kadhaa kupita before life returned to normal. Just before Floyd struck, sisi alifanya kutoa kwa ajili ya Volvo kutumika 850 GL na baada Floyd akampiga, alimfukuza nyumbani.

It was our first car with a CD player. Like most new car owners, tulikwenda kidogo CD mambo, revived our dormant CD collection and went on long drives just to listen to CD’s in the car. Like all fads, this passed for us and we ended listening to the same CD over and over again. Katika kesi yetu, ilikuwa ni Yesu Kristo Superstar.

Moja ya (wengi) vipande kipaji katika kwamba opera mwamba ni kuimba na aina ya uanzishwaji wa dini, wakiongozwa na Kayafa, the "High Priest". They sing their way into deciding how to handle the "Jesus problem" and Caiaphas directs them to the conclusion that "Jesus must die". The refrain on the song is "Just must die, lazima kufa, lazima kufa, this Jesus must die". You hear that refrain a lot in that piece.

Wakati, my son was about three years old. You can probably see where this is going.

I came home from work one day and my son is in the living room playing with toys and humming to himself. I’m taking off my jacket, kutafuta njia ya barua na kawaida yangu kila kutembea-katika-mlango-stuff na mimi ghafla kutambua kwamba yeye tu kusema, si kweli kuimba: "Jesus must die, lazima kufa, must die." I was mortified. I could just see him doing that while on one of his baby play dates at a friend’s house — pengine mwisho kucheza na tarehe na rafiki kwamba mtoto.

Sisi vunjwa kwamba CD kutoka Volvo baadaye 🙂

</mwisho>

Hivyo, asubuhi hii, mwana wangu ni nia ya kuona umri-kumi na tatu ya vikwazo Halo 3 video katika Da. I’m outside shoveling snow, so I’m not there to help or hinder. Necessity is the mother of invention and all that … he has a eureka! moment. He realizes that even though Gamespot wants him to enter his halisi tarehe ya kuzaliwa, yeye kweli anaweza kuingia yoyote birth date he wants. Once he realized that, alijifanya kuwa na umri wa kutosha kuona video.

I’m not quite sure how I feel about this 🙂

Katika kazi yangu ya kwanza nje ya chuo katika 1991, Nilikuwa na bahati ya kufanya kazi kwa kampuni ya viwanda na 13 maeneo, not including its corporate HQ in New Jersey. I joined just when the company was rolling out a new ERP system. We were a small IT department of about ten people altogether, two of whom Did Not Travel. Part of the project involved replacing IBM System 36 boxes with HP hardware and HPUX. Everyone used green tubes to access the system.

mradi Rolls pamoja na mimi nina teremshiwa Baltimore na mpya ushirikiano mfanyakazi, Jeff. Our job was to power up the Unix box, kuhakikisha O / S alikuwa akikimbia, kufunga mfumo ERP, configure ERP, train people on the ERP and do custom work for folks on the spot. (Hii ilikuwa ni kazi ya ndoto, hasa kuja moja kwa moja nje ya chuo). Before we could really get off the ground, sisi zinahitajika kinafafanua zilizopo yote mabichi, put them on desks and wire them. And the best part was that we had to put the RJ11 connectors on ourselves.

Kwa sababu baadhi ya kuwa mimi kamwe kuelewa na kwa kweli kamwe mawazo ya kuuliza kuhusu wakati, sisi alikuwa alikuwa na baadhi ya kampuni ya kuambukizwa kuja pamoja na kukimbia cable katika kupanda, but we didn’t have them put on the connectors. Hivyo, there was a "patch box" with dozens of of unlabeled cables in the "computer room" na hizi snaked kuzunguka jengo kwa maeneo mbalimbali katika jengo.

Sisi kazi njia yetu kwa njia hiyo katika kipindi cha mwishoni mwa wiki, kupima kila waya, kuweka kwenye kontakt (maamuzi ya uhakika ni moja kwa moja vs. walivuka), kuhakikisha mazingira kidogo juu zilizopo kijani na Printers yalikuwa sahihi, labeling wires, making sure that "getty" was running correctly for each port and probably a thousand other things that I’ve suppressed since then. It all came together quite nicely.

Lakini, there was one important cable that we couldn’t figure out. The plant in Baltimore had a relationship with a warehousing location in New Jersey. Some orders placed in Baltimore shipped out of that location. There were two wires that we had to connect to the HPUX box: a green tube and a printer. The green tube was easy, lakini printer imegeuka kuwa ndoto ya wiki tatu.

Kama huna kujua ni, au kuzimwa ni, kushughulika na zilizopo kijani na Printers kwa njia hii, there are various options that you deal with by setting various pins. 8-bit, 7-bit, parity (even/odd/none), probably others. If you get one of those settings wrong, bomba au printer bado inaonyesha mambo, lakini itakuwa taarifa gibberish, or it will be gibberish with a lot of recognizable stuff in between. Bila shaka, these pins are hard to see and have to be set by using a small flat-edge screw driver. And they are never standard.

Sisi kuanzisha ya kwanza ya simu nyingi haraka na guy NJ (marakaraka kompyuta hater ambao pengine laana yetu kwa siku hii). We got the green tube working pretty quickly, but we couldn’t get the printer to work. It kept "printing garbage". We would create a new RJ11 connector, switching between crossed and straight. We would delete the port and re-created in Unix. We went through the arduous task of having him explain to us the pin configuration on the printer, never really sure if he was doing it correctly.

It’s about time to go live, everything in Baltimore is humming, but we can’t get the cursed printer up in NJ to work! We’ve exhausted all possibilities except for driving back up to NJ to work on the printer in person. To avoid all that driving, we finally ask him to fax us what he’s getting when it’s "garbage", matumaini kwamba labda kutakuwa na baadhi ya kidokezo katika takataka kwamba kutuambia nini sisi ni kufanya vibaya.

Tulipofika faksi, we immediately knew what was wrong. Kuona, our method of testing whether we had configured a printer correctly was to issue an "lp" amri kama hii:

lp / nk / passwd

Kimsingi, we printed out the unix password file. It’s always present and out of the box, always just one page. You standard Unix password file looks something like this:

smith:*:100:100:8-74(ofisi):/nyumbani / smith:/Usr / bin / sh
:*:200:0::/nyumbani / mgeni:/usr/bin/sh  

We had been printing out the password file over and over again for several weeks and it was printing correctly. Hata hivyo, kwa mtumiaji wa mwisho, it was "printing garbage".

</mwisho>